zoe007

Something's About 2 Happen

2010-04-13T10:55:00.002+01:00

This website will be converted soon to a reflectory channel on global issues.

Thanks

My 3 Favourite Songs for the Moment

2008-08-29T15:07:00.001+01:00

1. Vaishnava Janato
2. Vande Matharam
3. Jana Ghana Mana

I have learned

2008-06-13T03:09:00.002+01:00

I have learned ....
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them, hope they panic and give in

I have learned ....
that no matter how much I care
Some pple are just a**holes

I have learned ....
that it takes years to build trust, and
it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it

I have learned ....
that it takes charm to get by the first fifteen minutes,
after that, you'd better have lots of money

I have learned ....
that you should'nt compare yourself to others-
they are more screwed up than you think

I have learned ....
that we are responsible for what you do, unless
you are celebrities

I have learned ....
that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house,
one of your kids did it or their friends did it

I have learned ....
that the pple you care for most abt in life are taken from you too soon
and all the less impt ones just never go away

Pass this to 5 good friends, trust me they will appreciate it
Who knows maybe something good will happen

If not... tough shit!!

2008-06-05T05:36:00.010+01:00

OH KING OF MATHURA

Early early in the morning the thought arose

to go back to Gokul... in the King of Mathura’s mind

Oh lord of Mathura why you going to Gokul?

Shedding this opulent attire of yours

Oh son of Nanda why you removing the beautiful crown from your head?

Giving up sovereignty of your land

Why you playing the flute again?

Oh lord of Mathura why you going to Gokul?

What unique song did the blackbird sing?

That made abdicate your throne without a second thought?

What single song did the blackbird sing?

That the pangs of separation stirred anew in your heart?

The heart of my Lord is no longer in kingly matters

His heart thinking of his beloved's smile

His eyes recalling the face he left in Gokul?

Oh lord of Mathura why you going to Gokul?

Men and women watched with anxious eyes

The flowers strewn on my Lord's bed felt like thorns

Mathura watched with anxious eyes

As my Maadhav stayed awake the whole restless night

Why did you call the charioteer in the middle of the night?

Oh Lord of Mathura?...

How will you travel alone in the middle of the night?

Where will you lay your head to rest Oh Govinda?

Wont you be hungry, thirsty and tired my Lord?

Slowly reaching the shores of Ma Jamuna

Lonely banks, soft breeze, familiar places, distant memories

Very slowly reaching the shores of Jamuna

My Madhav felt the bittersweet pangs

A melancholic smile appeared on Gopala's lips

Why can’t you forget her, My Lord of Nagarpathi?

Your love is now a complete housewife

Getting new milk and busy the whole day

The tears of separation have long since been wiped away

She is now getting on with her life

Then why awaken the pain again?

Oh lord of Mathura why are you going to Gokul?

WAS'NT I???

Was'nt I living a carefree life

Or were'nt you happy to see me fly so high

Why then Lord did you shove him into my life

Just to make me fall heads over heels in love with that guy

Are'nt you God, happy to see me cry

Or must you take him to your beloved reside??

Strange, interesting or best left unsaid???

2008-04-25T05:41:00.008+01:00

I went to Batu Caves a week ago and bought a picture of Venkadachalpathy. Upon return to Sg, I took in to Perumal Temple got it blessed and installed the deity on my prayer door.
Putting my Stevie
Spielbergie cap, I got
down to taking snaps
on my mobile.

Nothing strange about that except one of the pictures got blurred and had some rather interesting details to it.

Strange, interesting or best left unsaid???

Manners!!! Mind your manners!!!

2007-04-02T09:32:00.000+01:00

A 6 month course on Emily Post's ettiquette-thats what every single Singaporeans need to attend. It should compulsory, enforcable by law and punishment by jail term if defaulted. The course fees should be subsidized by the government as part of upgrading social skills for the entire nation and the remaining of the course fee deducted from CPF ordinary account.

The target demography should be Chinese followed by Malays and then Indians-why I think expatriates also need to go brush their social skills as they also seem to be losing their well sense after mixing with the locals here.

Imbeciles who bump into people and not say sorry.
Dorks whether walking with two ladies or one, taking the curb side of the pavement.
How about when these morons sandwiching themself between ladies when trying to pass through.
Pinheads who ran to get their seats at buses and trains with no regard that there is a female, child or an elderly standing next to them.
Idiots who blatantly cut lines

Oh and the list can go on and on. Lets face it, Singaporeans are just damn rude. They have absolutely no social skills.

Will it kill you to be nice to people??

Sometimes I dont blame the people, this is a country which needed a campaign to be courteous to people.

When words mean more than what they actually mean

2007-01-11T03:21:00.000Z

I recently been in the midst of some squabbles unwittingly torn between my blood relation and a friend, torn between whats right and whats not acceptable.

People usually understand the effect words have on people. Actions speak louder than words, sadly in most cases little do people realise that its actually the latter. Actions once done can be rectified or apologised for/made up for but words once said can hardly be recovered. There is this famous quote in tamil " A fire burn can dry up in time. Words of fire can never be dried up nor forgotten."

A recent incident where blogging on net caused some very unfortunate turn of events resulting in permenant damage to a friendship and a relatonship. Where affairs of the heart are concerned people are very careful when it comes to their heart but not so much when it is other's feelings. Whatever happened to unspoken words which mean more than a 1000 spoken words. Witnessing all this just made me feel bitter towards people and cast doubts in my faith on people.

I realise for myself I can never see my loved ones get hurt. If it means eating a humble pie I would do it anytime. I regret I didnt do it.

Always be careul what you say to somebody u love/loved, it may be the last time you see that person. When u leave somebody walk away seeing a smile on their face. And when somebody thinks/talks/hears of you let it be a plesant memory and not a bitter one. Live and let live.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Man Dumped

2006-05-05T12:51:00.000+01:00

Friends and Acquaintances

2006-04-16T08:14:00.000+01:00

Somebody asked me a few weeks ago "So how r u getting along with your friends there in Singapore?" to which I replied almost immediatedly "Oh I got no friends here only acquaintances". That statement made me stop to think.

But the truth was that I meant what I said!! I have accepted that my once upon a time friends are in fact no longer my friends. I have heard the time old defensive statement "Look nothing changed I am still the same old person, its you who have changed!!" but that is so wrong, people do change! Friends who havent lost in touch will not see the difference/change but it is not so with someone you havent seen or kept in touch with. I guess its very unfair and illogical to blame the 'friend' but thats how it works. When in doubt blame it on the sun.

I know I am not the same person and I refuse to apologise for my change. Its part and parcel of my evolving. If I started to apologise for what I have become then I will have start apologising for the person I have become.

So i guess it up to the idividual to say "hey I have changed but I still remember the good times so lets start again" or "Look nothing have changed, Im still the old person you used to know, its you have changed". Blame the sun or look at the friend you once knew and try to find a common ground.

Time changes, people change, environment changes and together with it all boundaries change as well...

The Last of the Mohicans

2006-03-20T04:07:00.000Z

Friendship between male and female-one of the most interesting and complicated relations of all time.

'Its very simple' Sigmund Freud would say 'There isnt and cannot be any platonic freindship between these two species'.

An ex-boyfriend once quipped 'There is really a very thin fine line. One day or another one will cross over'.

I gave him a scorn, a grunt and argued with him that I will prove him wrong. While in my head i was thinking all these men have a psychological justification and a cognitive explanation so that they can give a logical reasoning when they cross the line.

But buying it, nah I didnt. I believed in platonic relationships.

Despite many revelations from both my guy friends and girl friends that they secretly fancy their, nonethless, attractive platonic mates who are of opposite sex. I still stuck to me guns. My reasoning, they are not good friends enough to see past it all.

When I was much younger I had my fair share of guy friends but there wasnt anything more than camaraderie in those relationships. In fact we were so chummy that I started looking upon them as my girlfriends and strangely brought out their effeminate qualities in them. Whilst on the flip side I became more of a tom-boy in their presence. Come to think of it now, I am not sure whether if that was a defense mechanism between the genders to put each other at bay or if it was just pure innocence. It was a time of bliss where a mate was not defined by what genitals but rather a name.

Fast forward a decade later, this time round it was a whole new ball game altogther. To my horror and at many a times to my amusement, my guy mates had repeatedly said inappropriate things or displayed inappropriate behaviour. Well I cant honestly blame them, for a good portion of us, attraction to the opposite sex is genetically “hardwired” into our psyche. There’s no way to avoid it. We find the physical form of the opposite sex attractive, the opposite sex exudes pheromones that we find attractive, even something as simple of the timbre of the voice of a member of the opposite can trigger a romantic response in us. Still no excuse for crossing the line. Not that I ever had crossed the line but the fact was that I did fancy a few, nonethless, attractive platonic friends of mine.

There were many instances where guy mates of mine started acting really weird infront of me, turned into jibbering idiots, made freudian slips now and then and did even more stupid but endearing things to cover their tracks. Ah bless. Not to be outdone I on the other hand, had found myself grinning like a cow everytime I saw my friend and used to get acute pangs of jealousy when they start talking about their girl friends. I had laughed with 'em, cried with 'em, felt sorry for 'em, got angry at 'em, got horribly childish with 'em, got emotional with 'em but most importantly had loved 'em.

Though the cat and mouse game played between the opposite genders are often viewed with much pun and amusement. The fact remains that if you are friends for that long a time, one is answerable. You do tend to question the intergrity of the "platonic friend" who crossed the line, value of the decade-long "friendship" and the mind-set of the "platonic friend" who took part in the charade especially if the reasons for the crossover is not clearly defined.

I hate to admit but I guess platonic friendship does not truly exist. I reckon its a transition concept used by both female and male before they eventually do the blind leap of faith.

Henceforth, anyone who swings by my life talking about such will definitely be given a piece of my mind.

Guess its welcome to the world... again, for me!!!!!

Good Riddance

2006-01-18T08:44:00.000Z

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

I am Leaving On a Jet Plane

2006-01-02T14:22:00.000Z

So the day has arrived... leaving on a jet plane... After much hassle I left for the airport. Sayma's flight to Manchester was at 9.15 and she almost didnt make it ... After that I went to Terminal 1 with Nasfa, Heni, Khazan and Bobby. It was a teary farewell between me and Heni... I felt sad to leave her in London, but I know she will survive.

As I said my goodbyes and walked thru the gates, i felt good about coming back home. I was so excited that 'Mrs Henderson Presents' was one of the movies being played inflight. Within half an hour into the movie, I found myself suddenly waking up. God that blasted movie had put me to sleep. So much for Mrs henderson eh, i slept thru the rest of the 12 hours, I must say I had a good sleep.

Reached Singapore safe and sound, washed my face, made myself presentable and got on the cab to homeeee.... my parents were shocked and surprise to see me, I think more of a shock but they manage to underplay it well..hahahah..they were all happy to see me(i think)...

Called Sayma and Heni to confirm my arrival. The rest of the week saw me getting sick, still am. Hopefully I should recover soon. Still waiting for my cargo to arrive from London. All i have in my wadrobe now is really expensive and sexy lingerie and loads of formal wear and dresses. Not much of a choice if I want to go out to Bt Merah or anywhere local. So I ended up not meeting any of my mates giving them the time old excuse 'I am sick lah' in this case I genuinely am.

Its the Final Countdown

2005-12-24T17:44:00.000Z

So this is the last Saturdy I will be spending in good ol' London. I kinda have settled down wih the idea of going back home. A little bit disappointed that plans to have my brother to come down to London went pear-shaped. Also Kalpana couldnt make it due to tickets. Guess i have to take the final steps alone, well maybe its for the best.

Had a quiet Xmas dinner with Heni, Janos, Nasfa, Mac and Khazan. Heni cooked roast chicken with roast potatoes whilst Nasfa cooked stir fried veg. rice. It was, well, quiet. Xmas day was spent lazing around the house and appreciating my space.

Am looking quite forward to having Sayma come down on the 28th, will be fun. I havent seen her in 2 years. Spoke to Rakesh and told him I am coming back on the 1st Jan, havent told my parents yet.. want to surprise them. Hopefully they wont be shocked. Packing my bags, winding things up and leaving London for good. I am feeling nostalgic, cant help it... its the way I am built. Strangely I am not thinking so much as I used to before, guess part of me feels this is for the best.

I do feel a sense of peace within me now.

Its the final countdown. I have now exactly 7 days left to go.

End of An Era

2005-12-04T20:23:00.000Z

'Ur tickets have been confirmed' ...as soon as I heard these words all I could hear was every distraction in the room except the BA staffs' voice. I just blocked out whatever she was saying and a strange sense of relief and regret washed over me. I muttered a thank you and stepped outside. Can't believe I have just booked my LAST flight from London Heathrow to Singapore Changi. Damn I have been here for 10 years now, can't believe I am saying good-bye to a huge chunk of my life and the 'me' I have known and grown into. I immediatedly called Sayma (the true love of my life) and said 'I did it, its confirmed I am going back', meanwhile she had also booked her flight from Manchester to London to spend the last couple of days with me before I leave. We had both booked a flight back to our respective homes on the same day 45 minutes apart the departure time.

I was on the bus coming back to Hendon and I was looking at everything like I am seeing it for the last time and I couldnt help myself from crying... the tears were flowing like water from a fully filled glass for no apparent reason. Oh I felt like a fool sitting there on the bus trying not to cry and dabbing the corner of my eyes before the tears could stream down my cheeks.

Ten long years, I have indeed grown from the sensitive meek girl I once used to be. This country has taught me so much about myself, everything from my weakness to my strengths and all the odd in-betweens. Everything I needed to know about life I had learned here. I cried the most and laughed the most here in the United Kingdom. Is the real 'Me' still intact? Guess only Singapore can answer that question.

I came back and told Heni that I am going back home and gave Shafeena my 30 days notice to quit. I definitely wont be missing the household, Shafeena and of cos the miserable weather.

I am quite looking forward for Kalpana to come here from Singapore on the 13th Dec. I have known her since I was 13/14, it will be very sentimental for me to have her here with me during the last weeks of my saying 'adios' to London.

I am scared and worried. Its like starting all over again. I am not sure if I have lived up to the expectations of my parents, to be honest I dont even know what their expectations of me are. I hope I have become a better person for their sake.

I have a whole mixed array of emotions of many levels being played within me and its reminding me of the last scene in Meet Joe Black. In a reversal of roles Sir Anthony Hopkins says to Brad Pitt,

'Its hard to let go isnt it... Thats Life ...What can I say'

Mayanks' Birthday

2005-11-07T15:02:00.000Z

It was Mayanks' (Mac or Mackie boi) birthday last Saturday. Heni made Shafi cook about 5 Indian vegetarian dishes. Under the pretense of helping, I was sneaking bits and bobs of food into me mouth when no one was looking. Its amusing especially when strong women completely change when they start seeing somebody, they become all so docile and domesticated. Ah young love eh, sweet!!

Abu, this Asian guy from South Africa and his Polish girlfriend came to look at Connors' room. Heni made her admiration for his hot looks known to everybody in the house, I on the other hand played it cool. Connor is another housemate and he is leaving at the end of the month. Later on me and Heni went around the corner shop to get Lotto and just as we were turing the corner, for no rhyme or reason I quipped loudly 'That guy looked hot dint he?' I had to I hadnt said anything since he left and immediately Heni was elbowed me. Ouch!! I looked up and guess who was standing at the corner, yes Abu with HIS GIRLFRIEND!! He had a huge grin on his face. I felt like an idiot but managed to say in an even louder voice 'U know who I am talking about, that guy from yesterday night, he was nice wasnt he?'. Heni played along. Hope I salvaged the situation, ah who cares, am really not bothered actually. We said hello to him and his gf and walked past them. Think the gf gave me the daggers. I dont blame her.

Came back and dinner was ready. I set up the table nicely with appropriate dinner set and a nice rose champagne which was borrowed from Connor. I had to I was playing the waitress for their rendezvous. Mac was late and we were both getting very hungry. Heni made everybody promise not to squeal on her as she had told Mac that she cooked the dinner all by herself. The entire household obliged. He came around our place at about 5pm and as soon as he walked through the door everybody started singing 'Happy Birthday'. We all had a good meal. Shafi had a call from that Asian dude confirming that he is taking the room next month. Me and heni gave each other knowing looks and smiled. heheheh.

We all decided to go to Gallery, the new bar at Hendon. First went to Mackeis' place for a few drinks first. Apparently Rahuls' boss gave him 85 bottles of Barcadi Breezer free!! I promised myself I am NOT going to drink as I am still recovering from flu.

So we were in Macs' place. Rahul and Rohit (twins) were there. I sort of had a tiff with Rahul as we just didnt meet eye to eye when we first met at Brandys' birthday two weeks back. Rahul doesnt know how to talk to a woman, he talks to everybody like he talks to a man. He works in a bar, what can you expect? I sympathise with him cos I too was like that when I was managing my moms' pub years ago in sg. The bar atmosphere slowly brain washes you, you get very cynical of people cos you see everything as how it is. But still no excuse for talking to me in that manner.

Rohit on the other hand is the sweeter one. Since it was Macs' birthday I decided to not be bitchy to Rahul. More people came in, 3 Greek girls, a Black guy from South Africa, 2 Asian guys. Me and heni didnt like the Greek girls and I think it was the same from their side as well. The black guy was laid back, so he was cool. I didnt like one of the Asian guy. Heni liked both the Asian guys and was trying to potray them in a good light but i wasnt budging. We all had some drinks and made our way to Gallery. Harry was already waiting for us at the queue, bless him. I was already on my third Barcadi Breezer as we were walking to the bar. We got there and couldnt get in. There were 11 of us and Harry had got into the bar by then. So there we were freezing our butts in the cold, and I walked up to the bouncer and played my girlie card. And we all got in ;-)

We were having drinks and having a really good time. For some reason me and Rahul were getting along indeed, must be the alcohol. And that Asian guy whom I didnt like, he was all over one of the Greek girls and HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!! What a pig!! I know I know I get like that, I believe that if one is in a relationship however serious or not serious should stay exclusive to that person he/she is seeing. If you choose to muck about, then be single and do whatever you want. How mean how emotionally dependent and insecure can you be eh, be in a relationship and still piss about with someone else. I loathe people like that. Me and Heni exchanged knowing looks again which only meant 'I told you so girl'. She gave me the 'U bitch' look and I gave her a smirk and we just laughed it off.

There is this policy of making it uncomfortable for anybody to hit on the people in our group just for the fun of it. For example, if a girl hits on any guy in our group, its standard for one of the girls in our group to stand next to the guy and fool around with him and vice versa. I know its cruel but its really bloody amusing!!

Every night out is not complete without people laughing at my expense. Was sitting and yapping away with Rahul and Heni when an Asian guy (from the bar) came by and said 'R u having a good time?'. Immediatedly, Rahul and Heni stopped talking and turned their attention to this guy. I said 'yes, r u having a good time?' He said 'Been having a good time, ever since I started checking you out'. I cringed, and I could hear Heni and Rahl trying to contain their laughter. The guy left. A few minutes later, he came by again, this time he had two shot glasses in his hand. He hands it to me and says 'Try it'. I hate drinks which are bitter so I go without thinking 'Is it sweet?' Rahul and Heni lost it and started laughing. Idiots!! Meanwhile Harry came and stood next to me like he was my bouncer. It was Sambooka and vodka, it tasted quite nice actually. I said 'Thank you' and with the looks Harry was giving him, he left and didnt come back.

We left the Gallery at about half one and went back to Macs' place. The twins had made 'Bisibelabath' its Sambar rice with poppadum. It was soooooooooooooooo nice. I love home-cooked food and nothing beats typical vegetarian South Indian food. After which Rohit walked me back home. It was a good night out. I enjoyed myself and I didnt get too mashed.

Slept til 2 the next day and my throat was hurting like hell. Dwayne came around 3 in the afternoon and spent the whole day with me . He even missed the game with his beloved Man U against Chelsea. Man U won the match, thank god for that!!

I am SICK-Day3

2005-11-03T10:12:00.000Z

Its day three and my throat hurts like hell plus. I havent eaten anything proper for the past 3 days and my weight has gone down to 57kg from 60kg. Well I must admit I am pleased cos ever since I had moved into Shafis' place I had gone up from 53kg to 60kg and I have been trying to lose weight since but to no avail. I guess thats the only good thing about being sick, one loses wieght!!

I almost vomitted in my sink, nothing came out. But from the reluctant tasting of the aftermath taste in my mouth I think its bile mixed with some Lemsip. Yuk.

Been stuck in the house for the past 3 days and I am feeling useless. The weather is not helping as well.

Just want to get better, all the more miss home!!

I am SICK!!!

2005-11-02T15:52:00.000Z

Woke up feeling miserable, I think I have the flu. Must be due to last Saturday when I went out without covering myself up properly. Its winter now and i was out wearing a light jacket!!

Oh I hate to be sick, especially when I am not in a relationship. I know i know its quite selfish of me but isnt that one of the benefits of being in a relationship-To love til one of us find someone better, to hold in sickness and to care until one of us of break up. Hmm very cynical I agree... not true, I dont think so !!

So there I am lounging at home sipping Lemsip, talking to Shafi whilst she is cooking again!! mutton briyani for Eid. My throat hurts so bad, i cant even swallow my own spit (gross!!) doubt I can eat her food. Damn you throat!!

Dragged myself to clean up my room and propped on my bed to watch 'Parineeta' for the millionth time. I love Saif Ali Khan and I like the social setting of Bengal in the 1960s. Bengali women in my opinion have very strong character, I reckon its something thats entwined in their culture. I admire the subtle dominance they have over the men in their life and they are very pro women. I guess they are the only women who use their feminity to the fullest. I am not saying this in a bad way but rather in an amusing way. Plus I have always had a affiliation for the Calcutta Kali. Oh why am I talking about Bengal, Im sick.

So there I was drooling over Saif when Dwayne knocked on me door. Ah bless. I was glad to have his company and he did'nt mind being within my sneeze-reach...ah bless him even more.

Diwali

2005-11-01T13:01:00.000Z

Called home and both my brothers have gone to EXPO, spoke to my dad he was very upset with me for not coming back home for the festive season, actually for good! Wormed myself out of that converstaion and had a less than 10 second converstaion with my mom.

Rakesh is helping his brother-in-law at the EXPO, hmmm wonder if my brothers will bump into him. I love EXPO, hehehe as a teenager I was banned from being seen at the EXPO. My parents were very strict and they wouldnt let me go to Serangoon road on my own then let alone to EXPO. Their reasoning 'There will be lots of boys making trouble, plus if any of our relatives see you there, they would think bad about you, roaming around 'Thekka' without your parents. So dont go. Period.' I never did go except with my parents or relatives. Ok ok I did sneak there many a times and never got caught.

I love Diwali. We all get up very early and have nutmeg put on our hair and head for our showers, followed by prayers and then the adorning of new clothes. Then we all go to temple for the early prayers and come back home for breakie. There will always be a local Diwali TV show, tamil movies and food. Oh I love food!!! All the home made cakes, biscuits and Indian sweets. I could eat all day. The whole day is just spent lazing around the house in total indulgence. The next day me and my brothers would go visiting our relatives. The best part about this was that we get so much money from uncles and aunties and their guests who are already in their houses. A good collection usually fetches me between $500-$700. Ah bliss!! Gone are the days, now I end up giving money to my family, cousins and nieces.

I havent really celebrated Diwali in 7 years, since I came here. Wish I was home!! I have come to realise that even if your in heaven, if you loved ones are not there it is not worth the while.

Will be going to Neasden temple later on to do some prayers for the family. Happy Diwali family and everyone..

Brandys' Birthday

2005-10-30T10:50:00.000Z

Got up at about ten and came down to find the entire house swarmed with food, party decoration and gifts. Heni was in the lounge packing kiddy bags and Shafi, cooking mutton briyani and some other food for the party at half one. Kelly, Charlotte and Brandy were there helping out, by helping out I mean eating the food.

I quickly went to check the mails and YES MY SUIT WAS HERE!! I was so glad, now I can get dressed in my Indian. The next 3 hours was spent pumping balloons and decorating the house with banners and stuff!! The bouncy castle arrived at about noon and everybody (me, heni and kelly) got excited about the delivery guy. We were all trying to be helpful and shamelessly flirted with him. He got very embarrassed and he was fumbling about whilst trying to set the bouncy castle in the garden!! hahahah

Next task was getting Brandy ready. She is a difficult child and we had a huge row a few days ago so it was going to be a tough job. Surprisingly she was co-operative which was nice for a change. She looked lovely. The kids started to arrive soon after. There was Holly dressed as Snow White, Manish (my favorite)dressed as an Asian(what else), James as spidy, Emma as a belly dancer, Rebecca as a princess (another favourite). They all looked so cute and lovely. I love children. For a moment they made me want to have a kid of my own, but only for a moment.

The party went on very smoothly and the kids started dispersing after 5, after which my mates, started arriving. We all started drinking, eating and having some very deep converstaions til about 9pm and then we made our way to the Greyhound Pub (Old people bar). For some reason I was getting this bad feeling that it was going to be a bad night out. Anyway we were there til about quarter to eleven when somebody suggested checking out this new bar Galleria in Hendon. We all jumped into two cars and headed to Galleria. The place was too bright and very boring. So we left and went to this private party held in an old converted church in Hendon. We went in there and 'Oh my God' it was like 1980s' had exploded in there. The atmosphere was soooooooo gothic punk plus everybody was dressed in Halloween costumes, vampires, witches and all. I freaked out I didnt want to touch anything nor drink anything from there. One old lady started gyrating infront of Rahul, he was so embarrassed but he obliged by moving with her... it was soooo funny. An another old lady (yup,the whole place was filled with old people and very odd-looking young people) was doing pole dancing with another old man. Oh god, it was a sight, we all ended up laughing at other peoples' expense.

It was a fairly good night out, I had a fairly good time. Ah guess it was one of those straight forward basic night out!!

Chronicles of a Vampire Lover

2005-10-25T14:34:00.000+01:00

Have always loved vampires ever since I was young. I can't really put my finger exactly why, but I have always been fascinated. Not to be mistaken, I do like them, but without all the gory bits. I am not trying to draw any unwanted attention from ANY unwanted/unknown sources here. And no, I havent met any nor do I want to meet a vampire, well I wouldnt mind if they dont attempt to bite me or scare the shit out of me. And yes, I do know that vampires are fictional.

My first introduction to these beings started in the late 70s. My father and I would watch old horror movies starring Christopher Lee. My father and I both agree that Christopher Lee was born to play vampire roles, his tranluscent face, his blood-shot eyes, his almost float-like walk, his slow monotonous dialouges, his voice, ahhhh totally spooked me as a child. I use to get very bothered watching Lee in action and my father would divert my attention by telling me anecdotes from the movie. One was that Christopher Lee wears some kind of a charm-like brass bracelet for protection whilst shooting movies which he eventually started wearing in real-life too. 'Protection? From who?' I asked my Dad and he gave me this look which only meant 'You know from who'. A few years back, I saw an interview of Lee and I did see him wearing some kind of brass bracelet. Aikes!!!

Like all teenagers I went through my rebellious period experimenting with the other side. By experimenting I mean doing loads of reading and researching, mostly out of curiosity, on vampires but NEVER actually going through any of it. I use to see 'Lost Boys', 'Monster Squad', 'Once bitten' and of cos MJs' 'Thriller' and started developing a huge crush on actors who play vampire roles. I liked that dark, mysterious, cold, sexy, rebellious, edgy and misunderstood persona that was potrayed by movie-makers during that era. Hahaha, these movies totally sealed it for me and so started a life-time attraction.

There was this Chinese guy called Bernard in my class during my Secondary School years. He dabbled in some kind of cult and once he made my friend speak in tongue. She passed out after that and within seconds the edges of my hair caught fire for no reason. It was put out but my friend, she was weird for a full week. She came to school wearing an inverted cross!! She was eventually brought to a priest. Nobody in my class messed with Bernard after that even for fun. But a whole lot of girls found him to be totally attractive after that incident.

Then there were movies like 'Queen of the Damned', Bram Stokers' 'Dracula', 'Blade', 'Interview with the Vampire, 'Crow' and 'Van Helsing'. There was Stuart Townsend playing Lestat in the movie 'Queen of the Damned', he was seen throughout the movie with pale whiter than white face, stringy hair, dark circles under his eyes, blood on his lips and still managing to look soooo hot. And Wesley Snipes in 'Blade' playing the cool vampire who wants to save mankind, Brandon Lee in 'Crow' avenging his girlfriends' murder, Hugh Jackman and that sweet Frankenstein in 'Van Helsing', Gary Oldman searching for his true love in 'Dracula' and of cos my husband Brad Pitt playing Louis de Pointe du Lac in 'IWTV', can you honestly blame me?

Such deep, complex and realistic characters. Characters with dark sides yet still trying to find a balance. Its not the struggle with good and bad but rather constant battle within that makes me want to reach out. And as for me its knowing that I will never know which still keeps me interested and intrigued.

I do know that however pointless it may be, the search, Im afraid will still continue...

Black slang

2005-10-14T18:03:00.000+01:00

Had a rather interesting conversation about black history with this guy I got to know recently. In the midst of the conversation he said, 'That's how we do it' and I said, 'You know I can never understand your weebles' lingo. I just dont get it'. He looked at me with amusement. I said,'You just said that's how "we" do it, me being the outsider, I am wondering why the hell are you saying "we" and I am thinking to myself right how many people are actually in his head. Dont misunderstand me I am not trying to diss the way you talk or trying to be out of pocket here nor am I making any racial/racist remark, all I am saying is that i don't understand the reasoning behind most of the words used by blacks and I want to make some sense or reasoning behind it'.

He smiled and I must admit he has a beautiful smile which made me smile(actually grin like a pig) :) and his accent... I had always been a sucker for the British accent. Damn!! Coming back to the story.

Spoke about this incident to another mate and this was what he had to say, 'That's the problem with people, everybody is quick to say they don't understand things they don't want to understand, for example you know when somebody goes on and on about something people use the expression "yada yada"'. I nodded. He continued, 'Can you explain to me what sense you can make from the words "yada yada"?, but just because it's used in the mainstream it becomes acceptable for someone to connect "yada yada" as someone who is going on and on but when we say woompty woomp instead of the usual "yada yada" it becomes an issue, it's just all so hypocritical, don't you think?'. I sat there thinking yeah he does have a point I can't make any sense or reasoning of the word 'yada yada' but I use it anyway to refer to someone who talks alot and I have come across some of my black mates use the word 'Woompty woomp' and I had thought, 'What was that all about?'.

Like the word 'whack' (which should'nt be confused with 'getting whacked') means bad or crazy. In my native tougue, Tamil, we have been known for many many centuries to use 'whack' pronounced 'uwack' followed by the opening the mouth and sticking out your tongue like you just had the worlds' most bitter stuff put in your mouth. But when I first heard the word I thought, 'Jeez what's up with this blacks? Can't they simply say bad?', while I smirked secretly cos it sounded like 'uwack' thinking whatever happened to originality homie.

Whenever I see a child I go 'What is it? What is it?' loudly but in a loving manner (mainly to scare the shit out of the child so that he/she would be scared and would want me to pick him/her up and I rather enjoy carrying a scared child...I know I know Im a bully) Groups of black men greet each other loudly by saying 'What is it? What is it?'. Though I am sure it is not done to scare the shit out of one another so that they can be hugged by another bloke, but its their way of expressing themselves.

I once met a friend of mine in Oxford Street rolling deep. He was yelling at the top of his voice 'What's burbalating shortie?' I knew shortie referred to a girl but, burbalating, god i didnt know what it meant. I am not going to say 'huh' and make a fool of myself I would lose my ghetto credibility (hahaha), so i turned around and said, 'Shopping, whats burbalating with you dawg?' and he goes 'Marinating girl and you?' Aikes marinating? whatever that means. I yelled back and played my 'Girlie' card, 'Stop pussyfooting around, park your beamer and bring me to lunch'. Later on I understood burbalating and marinating meant happening and chilling respectively. I told this incident to my Hungarian mate and she said that shes' familiar with the expression 'marinating' as its widely used in her native language but couldnt fathom burbalating. Marinating, yeah I can understand why, think of a chicken left to marinate overnight. The chicken does nothing but just chill overnight does'nt it, but burbalating, nah I cant get my head around to it. So much for living in the projects eh.

It is amazing how people love to listen to Black music, appreciate black culture, enjoy holidays in the African and Caribbean continents, enjoy African/West Indian food, applaud the physical beauty of black people yet they still do have their reservations of Black people as a whole. There is this Asian friend of mine who dresses like a Black, talk like he is from the ghetto, hangs out with mostly black people and listen to rap/gangater music yet when his sister started dating a black man, he went ballistic. People do copy the blacks in every aspect. I see White women spending so much money on getting themselves tanned, many women Asian/White and Chinese get themselves enhanced surgically so that they have the bootilicious and babelicious attributes of black women. White/Asian/Chinese men on the other hand dress up like black men with their way too baggy jeans and tops. They have also started accessorizing themselves with ridiculously expensive jewellery, flashy cars and living it large. Though the whole world is watching with scrutinity, unfortunately, it is not for the purpose of copying black people to make them look good.

So I guess there is a hypocrite in everyone of us including black people as well, we use words that are used in the mainstream even though it doesnt make any real sense but we still use it cos we get used to it, but when it comes to something thats not mainstream we slate the originality and tend to have our own opinions and critisisms.

Truth and understanding never hurt anyone and they are the foundations upon which we begin to rebuild relationships to those outside our home culture. Most agree that all cultures must better understand each other. These expressions that are known to be 'black slang' is evident in all languages and cultures. While the rest of the world use these expressions in their own native languages, the blacks, on the other hand are bold enough to put them on the global map making it part of the English language, even though they get ridiculed by it. I reckon the worst slang of it all is stereotyping-fullstop.

Staying true (or should I say 'Staying Real')
A Non-Black.

A Tribute To:-The Love Of My Life

2005-10-11T23:25:00.000+01:00

The year was 1995 and I had just arrived to Leicester. I was due to start term at Leicester Uni. It was somewhere during late October. I was walking down to Mary Gee Houses(Uni. Accom.) and was taking a very different route as I wanted to get to know the area better. I had just passed by 'Poppadam' an Indian rest. I was thinking to myself what a cool name for an Indian restaurant when I passed by this person.

She looked tiny, scared and lost. I walked past her and I sensed her following me. I spun around and asked 'R u lost?', she seem frightened and meekly said 'Yes'... I continued 'Where you heading?' and she answered 'Mary Gee House' and I said 'I am staying there too, we can walk together' and started chatting with her. She didn't seem into the converstaion but we exchanged the normal plesantries.

We reached Mary Gee house and I was quite annoyed that she left without a thank you. I shrugged and went to my room. A few days later, somebody came looking for me. It was her. I was quite taken aback as to how somebody can be so prudent and visit without first informing. But I was quietly pleased she came around, cos I was new and I was very bored. She came by my room and plonked on my bed like she was in one of her best friends' room, I wrote it off saying maybe people here are like that. I guess its the ease we felt with each other made us what we are today.

The visits became regular and she always visited me at about ten and chatted til about 3/4 in the morning. We spoke on anything and everything, mostly religion and politics. She grew customed to my pasta with egg and cheese, I know it sounds yucky but she loved it. Once I was cooking my pasta(what else) in the kitchen when some guy offered her weed and she freaked out.(hahahah) My flatmates(practising Greek orthodox and a French jew), both use to give her weird looks as she is a Muslim. I remember her not giving a toss. She would irritate them more by staying longer than she would, especially, if they are in my room. I loved her for that spirit in her.

We shared numerous moments of laughter. She use to like this song 'Chalte Chalte'(remixed version nonetheless) from the movie 'Pakeezah'. She was very much in love with someone at that time and she use to say how beautiful that song was and translated it to me in English. I must admit I started liking the song too. We once watched 'PAKEEZAH' at the Common House at about 2 in the morning. We were'nt suppose to go to the Common House after 12midnight but we did anyway. We sneaked in and watched the movie with very little sound. It was fun, the songs from the movie was beautiful, movie though was a drag but the company...wonderful.

She was a very slim built person but she always complained she was fat(irony is that now she is fat but thinks she looks fab...hahahaha)... She used to go on silly diets. She loved going to Snappers(our Uni Canteen)to scoff down their deliciously rich chocolate cake. Food, hmmm thats one thing she could never ever live without.

She would drag me to the Islamic talks at the Uni. and I would always oblige. We would always stuff our faces after the talks and walk back home discussing the events. Once I wanted to go to a gig at the ASYLUM(uni bar) and I dragged her to come with me, she wouldnt come in with me but waited for me outside. I remember being all hyped and went in for about 10 minutes(it could have been more, but i cant remember) and I came out. She was out there sitting and chatting with some people. I told her Im done and we went back home. I had always loved that incident.

Once I got sick and she had to go back to Manchester. It was Eid or someone's wedding I cant remember but she constantly called me to find out how i am. I told her I was missing home food and she brought me back a huge portion of Chicken Briyani that her mom made. :)

I remember going to The Shires(Shopping mall in Leicester), Belgrave Road(A road bursting with asian shops equivalant to Serangoon Road in Singapore), movies, restaurants (only the ones which doesnt serve alcohol though now she has become more relaxed)

After my foundation year I went back home and didnt come back til 1997. I remember her calling me at the end of Sept 1996 and scolding me for not returing to Uni. She had made a huge effort to get hold of me then cos I wasnt at home most of the time. I was helping out in my moms' pub then and she called me at home and then to the pub a few time for a couple of days before she finally reached me. I eventually did returned, but went to Cambridge to continue my studies. But I never lost in touch with her.

Once I got the usual call from her, but this time she was quite upset. She was going on and on about this 'gora' who told her to 'F' off at the petrol station whilst she was trying to get in. She went ballistic becos there were children at the back of his car and she was riding with her 2 brothers(ages 5 then), she was saying that the guy was setting a bad example to his kids and went on and on about rude parents. She said 'I was so pissed off at him that I gave him the 'up yours' sign, I cant believe how people are, he brought out the worst in me, cant believe how people behave with kids'... I started laughing and said 'You did what he did to you and you had children in the car too didnt you?'... She stopped talking and started to defend herself and then laughed with me as well.

Its been almost ten years now since I first said are you lost to her. She is one person who knows me inside out and one person who has always been there for me. If I were to ever leave UK for good, the only thing I will miss is her. I love her to bits and she is the closest thing next to family, my friend, my soulmate and yes the true love of my life.

Fashion victims!!!

2005-10-07T13:39:00.000+01:00

Whatever happened to wearing what you like and still looking cool as a cat despite looking like a badly bitten dog??

Boho chic??!! My father plainly said 'Beggar-like', my politically correct(and always correct) mom of mine gently put it down as 'Gypsy-like', my bro(older one) said with much glee 'Why u tryG so hard' whilst my younger one sat there smiling knowingly...meanwhile i was screaming my head off saying 'Leave Me Alone'...

My family, they always have something to say about my dress sense in fact anybodys' dress sense. Whats up with that!! I am an adult and I should be able to wear what I want and how I want. I could never make a comment on anybodys' dress sense, I mean how patronising is that?

I was never one of those fashion victims and I never judged anybody on their appearance. Though I must admit I did rush out to buy the waistcoat a few months back when it hit the high streets, only to discover that the trend had gone back by leaps and bounds to the sulty 40s Holloywood glamour(think fur, fur and more fur), to very girly and sweet/cute girl-next door, after which proceeded to long pencil skirts, tailored blouses buttoned up to the neck looking a la nerdy librarian and then very quickly changed to looking like a mafia girlfriend with tailored pants and the trilby. I do have all these clothes sitting in my cupboard bearing testament to my impulse purchases and highly calculated possessions but a fashion victim I am not.

I remember hiding all my 'ghetto/urban', well my dad found the clothes and nearly had a fit. I had to calm him down by sayG 'no pa its my girlfriends'...she is hummm hmm black and you know how they dress... They have a distinctive way of expressing themselves through their clothes'... Little did I realise that I was doing all these whilst reprimanding my younger bro for wearing clothes which I think (still do actually) make him look like a gypsy beggar who is trying so hard...and yes he was screaming 'LEAVE ME ALONE'

Spoonerisms

2005-10-05T05:25:00.000+01:00

I once had a massive arguement with my flatmate during my uni.years about his attitude towards me and his inability to buy his own food. Being an Asian I was brought up to never never to say 'NO' if anybody asks (or in my case takes) for food. But on this one occasion I totally lost it and in a fit of fury said 'Dont feed the hands that bite you'. My flatmate ended up laughing at me hysterically and not taking the incident seriously. Ok I admit I ended up laughing with him as well.

I have had made an absolute fool of myself on many a times throughout my adolescent and adult life by jumbling up words or phrases in sentences. So much so that at one point of time I thought I may have a communication deficiency or maybe a speech impairment until I came across Reverend William Archibald Spooner(1844-1930) who was famous for making these verbal slips frequently. I got curious and did some research on him and was rather pleased with my read.

The word “spoonerism” was coined by the British albino educationalist and Anglican clergyman whose mind I presume worked faster than his tongue. Such slips of the tongue are known as Spoonerisms whereby words, phrases and sentences in which letters, syllables or sound get swapped. This slips usually happen accidently especially when you are speaking very fast. Examples being "go take a shower" illustrating into "go shake a tower".

The Greeks like they always do for everything had a word for this type of impediment long before Spooner was born: metathesis. It means the act of switching things around.

Spooner, during a 60-year association with Oxford University, lectured in history, philosophy, and divinity, served as a Dean, and as Warden. He seems also to have been something of an absent-minded professor and his tendency to get words and sounds crossed up happened at any time, but especially when he was agitated. He reprimanded one student for "hissing the mystery lecture"(missing the history lecture) and added in disgust to another for "tasting two worms" (wasting two terms). Spooner was an albino, small, with a pink face, poor eyesight, and a head too large for his body. His reputation was that of a genial, kindly, hospitable man. He seems also to have been something of an absent-minded professor. He once invited a faculty member to tea "to welcome our new archaeology Fellow." "But, sir," the man replied, "I am the new archaeology Fellow." "Never mind," Spooner said, "Come all the same."

Once after a Sunday service he turned back to the pulpit and informed his student audience: "In the sermon I have just preached, whenever I said Aristotle, I meant St. Paul." A featherbrain Spooner was not, I believe that his brain was just so nimble that is tongue just couldnt keep up with the good old man.

At another time, Spooner apparently prompted a hesitant bridegroom, "Son, it is now kisstomary to cuss the bride." And to a stranger seated in the wrong place: "I believe you're occupewing my pie. May I sew you to another sheet?".

Whilst at a dinner at Oxford, Rev. Spooner was proposing a toast to begin the evening which was supposed to say, "Let us raise our glasses and toast the dear Queen (Victoria)." What Spooner actually said was, "Let us glase our asses and toast the queer dean."

The famous Dr. Spooner found himself in quite a situation when he was invited to a very formal occasion in England an occasion at which it was necessary for people to appear in pairs, whether they happened to be husband and wife, significant other, or whatever. And as luck would have it, at the last minute, Mrs. Spooner felt ill, wasn't able to go, and Dr. Spooner hurriedly raced around and found someone else to go with him. As he greeted his hostess, he said (and in his so popular way of fouling up the language) came up with this particular Spoonerism. Instead of saying "Oh good evening, Mrs. Wellsley. I'm so pleased to be here. And you will be pleased to know that I have, due to the illness of my wife, produced a substitute", he said: "You will be so pleased to learn that because of my wife's illness, I have managed to seduce a prostitute."

I nearly fell off my chair reading that story, it still brings a smile to my face whenever I think or speak about it to anybody. That poor Mrs. Wellsley must have had fit hearing him say those words and even more so that poor lady who accompanied him to the occasion.

So I reckon I have nothing to be embarrassed about unlike radio announcer Harry Von Zell who introduced the 31st president of the United States as Hoobert Heever and Lowell Thomas who presented British Minister Sir. Stafford Cripps as Sir. Stifford Craps. And another announcing the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation as the "Canadian Broadcorping Castration."

My all time favorite til today was when a date quipped to me before watching a movie, "Would you like Cop porn?" to which I just tilted my head and he gave me the most sheepish grin ever flashed in the history of mankind. Ah bless his soul.

Let us salute the eponymous master of the verbal somersault, the Reverend William Archibald Spooner. He left us all a legacy of laughter. Thanks to Reverend Spooner's style-setting somersaults, our own little tips of the slung will not be looked upon as the embarrassing babblings of a nitwit, but rather the whimsical lapses of a nimble brain.

So let us applaud that gentleman who gave the world a new meaning to people who fumbled like you and me. May sod rest his goal.

Mora Saiyaan

2005-10-04T19:31:00.000+01:00

Heard this track 'Mora Saiyaan' from Pakistani group Fuzon. I am not sure whats about this song, maybe its the way the vocalist rendered the song or the way video clip was picturized, or maybe its just me being a sucker for lost love and anything in black and white.

In any case, I saw the video clip first on B4U network and I must admit it brought a tear which formed into a frost on my cold cheek.

The video, shot in the 40s/50s era in film noir style showcases this 'Director' (who I think is my ideal man and whose name I still dont know) looking very much like one of those Holloywood actors in the 40s/50s (think Clark Gable, Paul Newman, Clift Montgomery, Jimmy Stewart, Gene Kelly, Gregory Peck) looking for a new face to cast in his new movie 'Khamaj'. He does the screen test on numerous actresses only to be disappointed and frustrated. A chance encounter finds him casting this girl who does menial jobs on his film set as the heroine. He eventually falls in love with her whilst directing the movie. He escorts her to the premiere of the new film and misunderstands that she has a 'thing' for her co-star. In his fury he gets reckless and dies in a car accident after dropping her off at home. The last few seconds of the clip shows the now aged actress many years later visiting the sets and seeing the movie in an obselete cinema theatre, reminising of the past and her love for him.

The cinemaphotography... beautiful, the lead casts... brilliant and the vocalist... haunting. I do understand that there is some debate going on over the originality of the video but I reckon people should just chill out and give credit where its due.

Mora Saiyaan literally means 'Making a search for something thats lost'.

The video clip brought a lump to my throat which reminded me of the 'Solvil Et Titus' commercial with Chow Yuen Fatt donkey years ago in Singapore/Asia. It was only aired a few times. If I can remember correctly, the final words of the commercial was 'Love Lost is Perhaps The Only Love That Stays With Us All Our Lives' ahhhhhhhhhhhh where is my tissue!!!

Pilot

2005-10-03T19:39:00.000+01:00

I happen to come across this website by chance whilst trying to scan the net for comments on the recent Vasantham Star (Singapore) 2005 as my bro was one of the contestants. I had just heard from my parents half an hour ago that he had come in 3rd place. I must say that I am extremely pleased and thrilled that he was in the top 3.

Congrats Bala!!!

Havent seen the recordings yet (hope the family will be sending the tape over to me soon) but whatever the case maybe I think he should have been the 1st!!... So Bala this goes to you, you will always be my STAR!! And I love you loads.

Sis
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